Can we use these questions if we do not live together?

Yes. Talk about the commitments you actually share. Skip assumptions about marriage, children or a shared home that do not describe your relationship.

Deep questions for your partner about building a life together

Quick starters

Use these questions to ease into a deep conversation.

Which responsibilities do we share because we chose them, and which did we inherit without discussing them?
When do you want advice, and when do you want me to listen?
What do you want to keep independent even as we become closer?

Deep questions

32 curated deep questions to ask your partner.

Or tick questions to copy or print them.

1.What is a dream you have not shared with me yet?
2.What is something about our relationship you want to protect?
3.What does our future look like to you?
4.How do you imagine holidays in our future?
5.How do you want us to support each other's dreams?
6.What is one thing you hope never changes about us?
7.What is something you wish we talked about more?
8.What is a pattern in our relationship you want to break?
9.What do you wish I understood better about you?
10.What would help you feel more comfortable being vulnerable with me?
11.How has your idea of intimacy changed since we have been together?
12.What do you need space for in our relationship?
13.What is something you gave up that you wish you had not?
14.What do you need to feel fulfilled outside our relationship?
15.What was a turning point in our relationship?
16.What have you learned about yourself through our relationship?
17.How has our relationship changed you?
18.Which responsibilities do we share because we chose them, and which did we inherit without discussing them?
19.When you need to change a plan, what makes it easier to tell me?
20.What does having enough time alone look like for you?
21.Which part of your work would you like me to understand better?
22.How should we handle a decision when one of us has more money at stake?
23.What would you want us to do if caring for a relative changed our routine?
24.Which disagreement have we learned to handle more carefully?
25.When do you want advice, and when do you want me to listen?
26.What kind of apology helps you understand what will change?
27.Which family expectation do you want us to examine together?
28.How would you like us to discuss a plan that only one of us wants?
29.What does fairness look like during a week when one of us is struggling?
30.What do you want to keep independent even as we become closer?
31.Which part of our life would you change if nobody else had an opinion?
32.What would you like us to remember about this period of our relationship?

Conversation guide

Describe what partnership means to each of you

Living together, sharing money and caring for relatives are separate choices. Ask which responsibilities you each consider shared and which you want to keep individual. Do not assume that a label answers those questions for you.

Choose a decision with real consequences

Talk through one issue you are facing, such as dividing time between families or taking on a new expense. Explain what you need and what you are flexible about. If you cannot agree tonight, name the information or time you need next. Understanding the disagreement is progress even when a decision takes longer.

Helpful follow-ups

What would that look like in a normal week?
What are you flexible about?
What information do we still need?
Is that settled or still open?
When should we talk about it again?