Speed dating gives you a few minutes with each person, so the best questions are quick to answer and easy to follow up. The 40 below come in three groups: either-or choices that get you talking in seconds, short questions that tend to lead to a story, and a few about what each of you is looking for. Pick three or four before the event and keep the rest in reserve.
Before the event
Check the organizer’s round length and how matching works. With a few minutes per round, three or four questions is plenty once you leave room for answers.
Have short versions of your own answers ready. If someone asks what you do, a one-sentence reply leaves time for the conversation instead of a speech. Knowing which two hobbies you’ll mention lets you listen instead of planning what to say.
Use the choices as openers
An either-or question is quick to answer and gives you an easy follow-up. If they say mountains, ask about their favorite trail. If they say night in, ask what a good one looks like. Keep one or two for the last minute of a round, when there isn’t time to start a longer story.
Ask the follow-up
In speed-dating conversations analyzed by Huang and colleagues, people who asked more follow-up questions were more likely to get a yes to a second date. A good follow-up is short: “How did you get into that?” or “What was the best part?” It shows you heard the answer and gives the other person a reason to keep talking.
If someone gives short answers, try a different kind of question. An either-or choice may be easier for a nervous person than an open one. If someone leans in and talks, let them finish.
When the bell rings, thank them and move on. Leave contact details to the matching process.
What not to ask
Skip anything that needs more than a minute to answer properly: past relationships, career setbacks or family difficulties. Don’t ask five questions in a row without saying anything about yourself. The other person is trying to learn about you too.
After the event
Write one word about each person while you still remember who said what, on the organizer’s card if there is one or on your phone. When you message a match, mention something specific from your conversation.
For a longer first meeting, try first date questions or questions to get to know someone.