These 60 controversial questions cover right and wrong, politics and society, technology, and love and family. They’re meant to show what people believe and why, not to find a winner. Pick one where you’re curious about the other person’s answer, not one you’re itching to argue.
Ground rules
Ask before you start. Some people enjoy debate and some don’t. A family dinner with a relative who has strong views may not be the place for question 22, about religion in government.
Listen more than you argue. Ask a follow-up before you reply. Most opinions rest on a value or an experience you won’t hear about unless you ask.
Separate ideas from people. Disagree with a position without dismissing the person who holds it.
Let anyone step out. If someone doesn’t want to discuss a topic, move on without asking why.
Pause when it gets hot. “Let me think about that” is a fine answer. You can come back to a question another day.
How to disagree well
State the other side at its strongest. Before you disagree, sum up the other person’s view and ask if you got it right.
Ask why, more than once. “Why does that matter to you?” usually gets closer to the real disagreement than a counterargument does.
Say what you’re unsure about. Admitting a weak spot in your own view makes it easier for the other person to admit one in theirs.
Find the shared value. Two people who disagree about remote work may both care about fairness. Naming that can lower the temperature.
Related lists
For classic puzzles without a political side, such as free will or the meaning of life, try philosophical questions. For curious questions about where the world is going, see thought provoking questions. For questions about your own choices, see uncomfortable questions.