To interview a family member, ask them first and agree how the recording will be used. Prepare a handful of open questions, test your recording, start with easy subjects and follow their lead into the stories they want to tell. Afterward, label the file, back it up and share it only in the ways they agreed to.
The steps below cover each stage. If you want a sheet to take with you, print the family interview kit. It has a permission check, ten original questions and a page for recording one story.
Step 1: Ask, and agree how the recording will be used
Ask well ahead, not on the day. Say why you want to talk, what you’ll record, and who will be able to hear or read it. A private copy for the family is a different promise from a published book or an online post, so name the one you mean.
Then let them shape the plan:
- Place. Their kitchen, a porch, a quiet room, or a video call.
- Time. Morning or evening, and how long they’d like to talk.
- Subjects. Anything they’d like to cover, and anything they’d rather leave out.
- Practical needs. Breaks, hearing support, a translator, or someone else in the room.
Send a few sample questions in advance if they’d like to think ahead. It gives them a chance to change the plan or say no to a subject.
Step 2: Prepare a few questions and objects
Write more questions than you’ll use, then order them from easy to deep:
- Warm-up. Short questions with quick answers: where they grew up, what sounds filled the house.
- Stories. Questions that open a scene: a first job, a move, how they met someone.
- Meaning. Questions about what they learned or what they hope the family remembers.
Starting light gives both of you time to settle before anything heavy comes up.
Open questions work better than yes-or-no ones. “Tell me about the street you grew up on” invites a story. “Did you like your street?” invites a word. Keep a few follow-ups ready: “Who else was there?” “What did it look like?” “What happened next?”
Objects help memory along. Photos, letters, recipe cards, a piece of clothing or a song can start a story that a question alone wouldn’t. Ask whether they have anything they’d like to bring.
Finally, write down three questions you don’t want to forget. If you get nervous or the talk wanders, they give you somewhere to return.
If you’re interviewing a veteran
The Library of Congress Veterans History Project publishes interview guidance and sample questions. If you plan to submit a recording, read its current eligibility, format and permission requirements before you start.
For a private family conversation, ask what they want to talk about. Don’t assume they want to describe combat or other painful events. Some original questions to choose from:
- What did an ordinary day look like where you served?
- Who helped you learn a routine or skill?
- What did you do when you had time off?
- Which friendship would you like the family to know about?
- What changed when you came home?
Step 3: Set up and test the recording
A phone is enough. The guide to recording a family conversation on your phone covers placement and settings. Make a short test recording where you’ll both actually sit, play it back, and adjust before you begin.
A recording keeps their voice, pace and pauses, which notes can’t (Ritchie). Note the date, place and who is present so you can label the file later.
Keep the kit small: phone or recorder, a charger, headphones for checking the test, a notebook, water and any objects you’ve gathered.
For a video call, test the call and the recording the day before. Ask them to use headphones and to sit facing a window or lamp so you can see their face. If the platform can record each person locally, use that option.
Step 4: Open gently with easy questions
A few words at the start set the tone. For example:
“Thank you for doing this. I’d like to keep your stories so the family can hear them. We can pause or stop at any time, and I’ll check with you before I share the recording with anyone.”
Then begin with something light:
- Who taught you something useful when you were young?
- What sounds do you remember from the house you grew up in?
- What did you do on a Saturday as a teenager?
Let pauses run. Silence often means they’re remembering, not that they’ve finished.
Step 5: Go deeper one subject at a time
Move into one subject, stay with it, and check in before moving on. For example:
- Starting over: “Tell me about a time you had to start again. Who helped?”
- Love and partnership: “How did you meet, and what do you remember about that first conversation?”
- Work: “What work made you proud, paid or not?”
- Neighbors: “Who lived next door, and how did people look out for each other?”
Yow recommends listening closely and following up on what they’ve just said rather than moving to the next question on your list (Yow). Try “What did that teach you?” or “Is there anything else you’d like to say about that?” Note new questions as they come up rather than interrupting.
When memories are hazy or differ from what you’ve heard, ask for context, not correction: “What do you remember most about that day?” If two relatives tell the same story differently, record both versions.
If strong emotion comes up, pause the recording. Offer water or a break, and ask whether they want to go on. A skip or a stop needs no explanation.
Step 6: Close the conversation and check in
Leave a few minutes at the end so you don’t have to rush. Thank them, and mention one story that stayed with you. Then confirm:
- When they’ll receive a copy.
- How they can ask for a part to be cut or kept private.
- Whether they’d like a second conversation.
A long life rarely fits in one sitting. If time runs out, stop at a natural pause and suggest another session. One approach is to use the first session for the overall timeline and a later one for one or two chapters in depth.
Listening to family history can be heavy for you too. Afterward, write down what surprised you, what felt hard and what you want to ask next time.
Step 7: Save, label and share with permission
Soon after the interview:
- Copy the recording off the device and name it consistently, for example “2026-10-Grandma-Lucia-Session-01.”
- Keep a short note with it: who spoke, who asked, the date and place, and the main subjects. The Oral History Association recommends keeping descriptive and technical details like these with the original recording (Oral History Association).
- Store a second copy somewhere else and check that it opens.
- Send the storyteller their copy and ask whether any part should stay private.
Share highlights with relatives only after they’ve approved it. Photos that come up in the conversation can be scanned next; see how to digitize old photos.
If several interviews are heading toward a book, the family history book template has a chapter plan and a source log.