Once a year, on or near your anniversary, you each answer a few reflection questions and write the answers on one page. Keep the pages together. After a few years you’ll have a short record of your relationship in both your handwriting, and reading last year’s page becomes part of the anniversary.
For a longer list of questions to talk through, see our anniversary questions.
What goes on the page
Use the same six headings every year, so the pages are easy to compare.
| Heading | Prompt |
|---|---|
| Where we were | Where did we live, and what filled our weeks this year? |
| A day to keep | Which single day from this year should we remember, and why? |
| Your side, my side | What does each of us remember about that day that the other might not? |
| Who helped | Who outside the two of us made this year easier? |
| What changed | What do we do differently now than a year ago? |
| Next year | What’s one thing we’d like this coming year to include? |
Each answer can be one or two lines. A page that’s quick to fill in is a page you’ll still be filling in ten years from now.
How to fill it in
- Read last year’s page first, if you have one. It gives you something to talk about straight away.
- Answer separately for ten minutes. Write your own lines under each heading before you compare, so neither memory overwrites the other.
- Compare and copy onto the page. Keep both answers where they differ. “You remember the rain, I remember the waiter” is worth more than one tidy sentence.
- Date it and add a photo from the year if you have one, with a caption.
Plan on half an hour or so. It fits before dinner or over coffee the morning after.
A fictional example page
This example is invented to show the format.
Year 3
- Where we were: Second apartment, the one with the loud radiator. Sam’s new job, Alex’s night class.
- A day to keep: The Saturday the car broke down outside the lake town and we stayed an extra night.
- Your side, my side: Alex remembers the tow truck driver’s dog. Sam remembers that the diner only had pie left.
- Who helped: Alex’s sister, who drove the spare key over two hours.
- What changed: We cook on Sundays now.
- Next year: Finally see the coast.
Keeping the pages
- One notebook for all the years. A bound notebook keeps the pages in order. If you prefer a document, name each file with the year and keep them in one folder.
- Leave the old pages alone. If a plan didn’t happen or something changed, say so on the new page rather than editing the old one.
- Keep it as private as you both want. Agree whether the record is just for you or something you’d show family. Ask before recording or photographing each other’s answers.
If the year was hard
You don’t have to write a cheerful page. “This was a hard year” under one heading and a single small good thing under another is a complete page. If a question is too much this year, leave it blank.
For other ways to mark the day, see our anniversary ideas. For a first anniversary, the paper anniversary gifts guide shows how to turn one memory into a letter or small book.